The Mad Parson

As a matter of fact, yes, I do think irreverence is a spiritual gift.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Fifty Minutes In Lafayette Park

Shrink: "Okay, group, let's start by saying our names and why we're here. Dan, you want to go first?"

Dan Rather: "Uh, my name's Kenneth. And I'm, uh, I'm here in an observatory capacity. Courage."

Shrink: "Sure. Now, Dan--"

Dan Rather: "KENNETH!"

Shrink: "--Kenneth, our goal here is to be honest about what's going on with our lives. . ."

Dan Rather: "If there's something honest going on in my life, I'll be the first to break it. Honest."

Shrink: "Let's move on. George, you want to go next?"

George Soros: "My name is George Soros. I am simply here to see how my Open Society philanthropy is enabling groups like this one to expand freedom."

Shrink: "Um, okay, George. Would you like to talk about your recent developments in the American elections?"

George Soros: ". . ."

Dan Rather: "Oh, go on, George. Talk about the millions you lost--"

George Soros: "Shut up, Dan!"

Dan Rather: "KENNETH!"

Shrink: "John! Would you like to talk about how losing has affected you?"

John Edwards: "Heh, heh. You know, I have lost before, it's true. I remember playing tee ball and losing our first game. Heh. My dad was working four shifts a day at the mill and he missed the game. And as I came to bat in the last inning and it was obvious we weren't going to win, I thought to myself, 'No man should have to work so much that he can't watch his son lose.' America shouldn't be divided in two: The America that can take off work and watch their sons choke, and the America that can't afford health care because I've driven the rates sky high. That's why it's so important that every vote count and every vote be counted. And that's why I've only started to fight. This isn't--"

Shrink: "Thank you, okay, thank you. . ."

John Edwards: ". . .about me, it's about. . ."

Shrink: "Yes, thank you, John. Colin, it's your turn."

Colin Powell: "If I'd known it was going to be like this, I would've stayed in D.C. This is ten times worse than getting spanked by Rummy. . . ."

Shrink: "!"

Friday, November 19, 2004

Fifty Minutes In Georgetown

Shrink: "But now that you're in the political minority, you're feeling stonewalled, is that it?"

Dionne: "Oh, I'm not in the minority. It's just that all those simple people have bought the lies of the Republican party, that's all. But I get it. I know what they're up to. They're thugs."

Shrink: "Like the terrorists are thugs?"

Dionne: "No, I didn't say that. It's more like the Mob. Conservatives really don't have ethics, they just want power. That's all--power."

Shrink: "Isn't that what all political institutions want? Power? Isn't that what it means to be in the process of polity?"

Dionne: "I thought you would get it; we want power for good. Those Republicans want power for power itself. They're oligarchs, Caesars, Stalins. THEY'RE KILLING OUR COUNTRY!"

Shrink: "Calm down, Dr. Dionne. Take a breath. Okay, now, if the Republicans were one person--all of the Conservatives rolled up into one--what would you say to him or her?"

Dionne: " 'Go back to the farm and let us make the decisions.' Yeah. That's it. 'Let us do the heavy lifting.' "

Shrink: "But in a democracy, don't the people on the farms get a say in the decisions?"

Dionne: "!"

Shrink: [Engaging telecom] "Nurse, call NIMH, please."

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Salem, PA

". . .and an unseasonably 107 degrees on Thursday. In politics, Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) will chair the Senate Judiciary Committee after heated debate on previous comments. When Sen Specter was asked when he decided to move away from his pro-choice rhetoric, he said, 'I think it was when the guy dressed like Cotton Mathers lit the kindling at my feet.' Details at eleven."

Friday, November 12, 2004

Roe V. Science

Anti-abortion. It's not just for fundies anymore.

Roe V. Peterson

Scott Peterson was found guilty today of murdering his wife and aborting their son.

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